Thursday, December 18, 2008

Last-minute Holiday Baking

This may become your favorite fruitcake recipe.

1 c. water
1 c. sugar
4 large eggs
2 c. dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 c. brown sugar
lemon juice
1 gal. whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 c. butter in a large, fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
Cry another tup.
Turn off mixer.
Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 c. salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain the nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again.
Go to bed.
Who likes fruitcake anyway?

This "Fruitcake Recipe" has been circulating the Internet for many years. I discovered it when I was searching my recipe collection this morning.

I do have a legitimate recipe for a delicious fruitcake. I remember helping my mother make it a couple of times. It takes nearly all day to make because it has some intense preparation (chopping sticky, candied fruit, measuring the copious ingredients, etc.) It is very expensive to make, but it is soooo good. The last four years, my sister would send me two loaves with her Christmas packages. I would freeze them to keep them fresh and nibble on them for the next two months. She didn't make the fruitcakes this year, and I miss them.


  1. Nancy I don't drink but you had me cracking up. When I first read the ingredients I thought that is really going to get a few people higher than a kite. Then realizing only one person is drinking the whiskey. Too funny.

    I love fruit cake too, but can't have it, most if not all are made with nuts. I am nutty enough. Have a Blessed day, Deb

  2. I quickly clicked PAST your recipe, knowing that "baking" was NOT on my agenda, and I'm too plump anyway, but as the post closed down, the only think I saw was "1 gal. whiskey" which DID pique my interest!


  3. LOL... if I drink a full cup of whiskey I would have never made it to the next step.

  4. There are several versions of this joke that go around every holiday, but they all crack me up! Thanks for posting this! :)

  5. Ha! Ha! Too bad, I don't like whiskey.

  6. I knew something was up when I read "1 gal. whiskey" in the ingredient list. Funny!

  7. LOL! When I read through the recipe and saw it called for one gallon of whiskey, I did a double-take. Then I read on....;-Þ That is hilarious!


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